Pain and loss

First off I'd like to say Happy Birthday to my biggest sister Jennifer! She was born 39 years ago today and was premature. It makes me feel good to know that we'll one day get to meet her.



I always wonder if it was coincidence or not that Jared died on her birthday. Everything happens for a reason right?  It's been a long 5 years. I dont think I'd ever imagine making it this far and being okay. It's hard to forget the pain I felt for a long time after he passed. It's hard to forget the hours I sat at his grave, crying because I didn't know how to feel. It still hurts when I think about him, but now it makes me smile. When I think about him, I think about the good memories we shared, not of his death. I celebrate his life, and the time we had with him.





I made a list of some of my memories that I dont want to forget:
He taught me how to drive a stick shift and didn't laugh (or cry) when I killed it.
He came to every basketball game and let me scream and cry on the way home when we lost in the semi finals my junior year.
He took me to see Dave Chappelle, he didnt even hesitate to stop and ask for directions when we got lost.
He helped me ditch class...
He would sit outside my house with his radio blasting and text me "I'm outside of your window with my radio"
He took me to see my favorite band twice and bought me two shirts. We laughed the whole time and took pictures of us together (which went undeveloped in the car he was driving when he crashed)

I wont forget:
The countless hours cruising up and down state street because we didnt know what we wanted to do.
LOTS of Costa Vida!
Driving all the way to Salt Lake to see Hawthorne Heights even though the show had been cancelled.
Watching him get his tongue pierced and laughing when he swallowed the ball and he thought he had to have surgery to remove it.
Coming home to him standing on the ladder on the side of my house helping Weston put the christmas lights up!
When he left me at his house while watching Fantastic Four in spanish with his mom. Then her trying to ask me if I wanted cake in the little english she spoke... and not coming back for TWO hours!!
The countless hours spent talking in the car doing absolutely nothing.
Finding my batman blanket on my car.
The hug and kiss his mom gave me at the funeral. It was an amazing feeling, not knowing each other well, not speaking the same language but understanding each other perfectly.

One of my favorite memories was at my sister's wedding. He had brought me a dozen roses and a single one for both my mom and sister. I was so embarrassed at the time with all the "ooooo's" I got when I brought them into the church. We sat outside in the hall when I didn't have to stand in the reception line and laughed.

I am so thankful for the time I had with him. I am very happy with everything he did for me, and the things he taught me. I miss him, but I know he's in a better place.

RIP Jared Rodriquez 09.25.86 - 03.18.06